Communication is key...or so they say

 I'm laying here wide awake at 1am with my sweet pup laying in my leg, wondering why my heart hurts so much for being who I am? It's because of the hurt and pain others have causes me over the years, learning not to let it bother me is a hell of a battle, because I want to keep running back into the fire...but no no no....

I've been hurt by the ones who should have always been there for me, the ones that said they would be there...so we keep high walls up and don't let anyone in and on the other hand...we want to slowly let people in...its a double edged sword. 

I also share our story because we want to help others from not going through this same struggle and provide them the tools to get through it. I understand parts of it aren't for the faint of heart, but what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. My husband may have made mistakes in the past, but he's trying to overcome them and make a better life for us, all things considered. It gets to be a lonely feeling when people nearby can't even ask how you are doing or simply act like you don't exist. Reaching out isn't a hard task....others make it that way. 

Love fiercely and wholeheartedly....thats who we are and we will never change. We are choosing to associate with people who want us around. 

Happy New Year 2023

For many years, I have made new years resolutions, goals, things I wanted to accomplish..I sat and thought that this year I am going to just let life flow. What happens happens...we can't control what goes on in our life when it comes to life events, so 🤷

My husband had a major surgery right before Christmas and we now have a mirad of doctors appointments, nights of worrying, no sleep, along with trips to the city every other week to once a month for check ups. 

I could be upset, angry that my husband is sick, but how would that change anything? He needs support, which is what I do, day after day. But there are moments where I need the support of others and don't get much. Yes, I have friends and such. Some who live far away that have stepped up during this recent time. But what about the folks that live nearby, I am one of those 

when things happen, drop what I am doing and send something to show my support or go visit that person. I suppose it's my good heart just getting hurt again. One day, I'll stop letting it sting so much. 

My love for others is genuine, I don't like seeing ppl suffer from things. 

"Dream without fear love without limits"

10 years and no relief in sight

 10 years of fighting and struggles have really made me question so much as well as made me both physically and mentally exhausted, fighting the VA has really been quite the struggle and I don't know how much more of a fight I have left in me. 

My husband as a veteran served his country and we are being left in the lurch with the benefits we should have received. Why is this happening? This shouldn't be happening. We work hard in life, we do everything like we should and get punished for it. There is no excuse for it, other than a government that needs to wake up and care for its citizens first before others. 

We endured many hospital and nursing home stays, much of this on our dime, do you think anyone bailed us out? No, we had to file for bankruptcy, along with lose so many things that we worked for. How on earth is that fair? It's not-we need to take a stand and put our stories out there in hopes for someone to get the wheel greased. 

There is so much I could share, so much emotionally, but I am trying to think more rationally to ensure we get this handled the right way. I fight for my husband because he deserves the best in life.